You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
