How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
