If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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