you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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