If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
