Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
