Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
