one two three fourrrrnication!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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