I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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