I seem to have left my pride at pride
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
