More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
