having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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