Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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