If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You were trust falling into bushes
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
