Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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