So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
