my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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