Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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