Yo dont text me then not text me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
