he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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