True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
