my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
