you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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