FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize