Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
