it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
