i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
