im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My legs feel like baby dolphins
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
