You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
