Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
