He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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