did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
