At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
