I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
