Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Green mimosas i think yes
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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