so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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