hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
