Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
