All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Vodka?
Forever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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