he puts the penis in happiness.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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