Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
