Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm having to shit out rocks
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