just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
