is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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