If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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