So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Randomize