I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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