Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
