I heard we made out
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
