I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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