Porn is love you can see.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
