I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
