Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
