Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He is an equal opportunity slut.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You pole danced in your parka.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
