but the lizard people decide everything anyway
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
