Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
