i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
