there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
