he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
