Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
