The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
