..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
