he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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