I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
