We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Randomize
