I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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