would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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