meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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