You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
