i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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