nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
