my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
